A few years ago I got a phone call from a woman I’d connected with on Twitter. She had been following my blog and the blog of my business partner, Denny Coates, and said she was very impressed with our content. She said we were the kind of people she liked to connect with. Of course, I liked her immediately!

She proceeded to ask lots of questions about our focus and business, expressing genuine interest along the way.

Then she told me she wanted to introduce me to a couple of people she’d recently met on LinkedIn. True to her word, she followed up afterwards with emails to me and these individuals, explaining why she thought we should know each other.

She said she considered herself a “power connector” and took great joy in bringing people together.

After that initial conversation, she emailed me regularly, sending articles she thought I’d be interested in and recommending associations that could lead to some positive new contacts.

I was impressed. But then we lost touch for a while.

Fast forward to November 17, 2014, when she was the featured guest on my favorite podcast, I Love Marketing.

When I saw her name – JUDY ROBINETT – I made listening to that interview a top priority because I just knew it would be packed with valuable content. And it was.

Judy delivered a wealth of actionable ideas, and even the hosts, Joe Polish and Dean Jackson (master connectors themselves), were taking notes.

I clicked over to Amazon and ordered her book, How to Be a Power Connector: The 5+50+100 Rule for Turning Your Business Network into Profits, before the end of the interview. If she delivered this much useful information in just an hour, I was confident that much more awaited me in her book.

And I was right.

In fact, I was astonished at the comprehensive, yet simple, system she maps out in her book.

Even if you don’t aspire to be an over-the-top power connector like Judy, her book contains absolutely the best approach I’ve seen for helping you think strategically about forming alliances with others.

An often-repeated theme throughout the book is to adopt a “giver” mindset. She advises you to seek first how you can add value, value, value and more value to others before asking for anything.

She exemplified this approach in her initial call to me, and she’s continued refining the process ever since. In fact, her book reflects 25 years of practice and refinement. She has emerged as a true master of her system.

The core idea is 5+50+100. 

You make a list of all your current connections and then organize the top 155 into 3 power circles.

Top 5. Your innermost circle is composed of the individuals closest to you, usually close family, friends and business associates. These are people you’d trust your life with.

Key 50. These are friends and associates you can call on for help or advice—and they know they can do the same with you.

Vital 100. You want this group to be diverse, with a wide variety of locations and roles.

Judy provides all the details for preparing, connecting, engaging, providing value and deepening these relationships. She explains exactly how to build a robust network that’s deep, wide and diverse.

Throughout the book, she provides examples of how she has implemented her own system over the years. She has ingrained these skills to the point that she automatically looks for ways to connect people with others who can help them solve their most pressing problem or need.

No one operates in a vacuum. You need positive relationships to get things done, whether it’s running your own business, leading a team, or tackling a challenging project. Judy’s book teaches you how to achieve the kinds of meaningful relationships and connections that positively impact everyone involved.

Over the past year, my favorite podcast has become 10X Talk, hosted by Joe Polish and Dan Sullivan. These two highly successful entrepreneurs share extraordinary wisdom about life and business in their regular 30-minute conversations.

Joe has been a member of Dan’s Strategic Coach program for more than 13 years, and when you listen to the brilliant statements that come from Dan’s mouth, it’s easy to understand why. Since 1974, Dan has personally coached more than 6,000 entrepreneurs, and his insights contain immense value for anyone interested in pursuing personal excellence.

In a recent episode he described the key difference he’s discovered between people who have a tough time in life and those who seem to have an easy time: the active pursuit of GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION in their life, their experiences, and their relationships.

Those who have an easier time approach every situation with a sense of gratitude.

Those who struggle are “on the take.” They aren’t interested in giving; they’re looking to get something. As a result of this attitude, they often experience negative emotions such as envy, anger, frustration and resentment.

Dan cited two definitions of “Appreciate” from the Oxford English Dictionary, and his interpretations brought entirely new associations to my mind.

1. Create increased value. 

We often think about THINGS appreciating in value, such as real estate or stocks.

Dan extended the definition to include PEOPLE and made this connection: When you appreciate someone and express your gratitude, you actually increase their value in two ways: “First of all, you take up the value of that in your own mind, but in expressing it, you actually take the other person’s sense of value up of who they are and what they’re doing.”

2. Fully understand.

This definition has typically been used in a military setting, when scouts were sent out to fully understand or “appreciate” the battlefield and then report back.

Dan applies this to his everyday life by consciously choosing to understand the importance and value of a person he’s about to interact with.

What he does…

Before meeting with the individual – whether it’s a business or social setting – he writes down 8 things he’s grateful for about that person. He focuses on who they are and how they act, not whether they've ever done anything for him.

This exercise sets him up for the conversation with two critical elements that tie in directly with the two definitions above:
1) A higher sense of the person’s value
2) A much fuller understanding of how significant they are

During the interaction, he never talks about the actual items on his list, but that individual picks up on his attitude. Dan’s words, tone and body language cause them to feel valued.

Do ever you find yourself criticizing others who are important to you – whether aloud or in your own mind? Maybe you’re having a tough time finding anything positive to say about them. Yet you live or work with them, and you need to interact with them on a regular basis.

What if you took a few minutes before your next conversation and made a list of 8 things you appreciate about that person?

As Dan has learned, you can “inject positive energy” into any situation if you proactively apply these two definitions of appreciation to the people in your life.

I highly recommend you listen to the complete episode in order to get the full benefit of Dan’s exceptional thoughts about developing a deep sense of gratitude for others.

When I attend conferences, I closely study what the speakers do to capture and keep the attention of the audience. I’m especially interested in their use of personal stories. For me, the most memorable presenters are those who reveal their own challenges or personal weaknesses, and then share what they did to prevail in spite of the difficulties.

These revelations inspire listeners to think, “Hey, that person is just like me. If s/he could overcome those odds, I can, too!”

Joe Polish and me after his presentation

Joe Polish is that kind of speaker. The creator of Piranha Marketing and co-host of the free I Love Marketing podcasts, Joe was a featured speaker at the recent Glazer-Kennedy Insider’s Circle SuperConference.

When Joe finished his presentation, at least half the audience (including yours truly) rushed to the back of the room to buy the resources he was offering.

What compelled hundreds of people to pull out their credit cards and invest $497 in his materials?

A few of the reasons…

• Joe played an introductory video that positioned him as an expert - he didn't have to convince us.
• He gave specific ideas we could implement. They were so good that we wanted more of what he had.
• His products contained practical content that would benefit any serious marketer.
• A video at the end of his presentation convincingly explained the value of the resources he was offering.

But none of those would have been as effective if Joe himself had not built credibility and trust with the audience. And one way he achieved that was through appropriate self-disclosure throughout his presentation.

So what exactly DID Joe say?

He described his own painful experiences. Joe’s initial years in the carpet cleaning business were rough. He almost quit because he couldn’t figure out how to build a profitable company. He struggled for years before figuring out a marketing system that turned his business around.

He shared his personal flaws. He didn’t set himself up as the perfect person that everyone should strive to emulate. Instead, he openly admitted choices he had made that got him into trouble…and the consequences he'd suffered as a result.

He made fun of himself. You have to be careful when using self-deprecating humor. The audience can become uncomfortable when someone puts himself down and seems to mean it. But Joe had the uncanny ability to talk about his imperfections in a way that elicited admiration, respect and laughter.

He was authentic. Joe’s desire to help others and save them the same pain he experienced was genuine and believable. We sensed that he truly cared about each of us creating a successful business.

What’s the lesson for you?

Even if you never stand on a stage before a live audience, you can keep these behaviors in mind when interacting with people one-on-one or in small groups. It’s natural to want to present yourself in the best light, so you may be tempted to minimize your own imperfections and mistakes.

But if you really want to connect with others at a deep level – as a parent, spouse, leader, teacher or friend – you have to be real. That means showing genuine concern for their situation…quickly admitting your mistakes…revealing your true thoughts and feelings…and not taking yourself too seriously.

When you’re able to be comfortable in your own skin – as Joe clearly was – you can then build relationships on a firm basis of trust and respect, and people will want to follow you.