If you want to persuade other people to do something, trying to talk them into it doesn’t usually elicit a positive response. Years ago when making a sales presentation, I discovered an approach that works like magic to reduce resistance. And there’s no manipulation or arguing involved…



The next time you’re in a situation where you need to influence someone to take the action you want, stop and think about what you can do first to learn what’s important to that person.

“I don’t know the rules of grammar. If you’re trying to persuade people to do something, or buy something, it seems to me you should use their language.” – David Ogilvy, British advertising executive (1911-1999)

 “If you wish to win a man over to your ideas, first make him your friend.” – Abraham Lincoln, American president (1809-1865)

“Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.” – Aristotle, Greek philosopher (384 BC – 322 BC)

“You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.” – John Morely, British statesman (1838-1923)

When your inner critic is busy feeding your mind negative messages, it can be hard to maintain strong self-esteem. Keeping a "Victory Log"* reminds you about your accomplishments so you give yourself credit for the positives. Learn how easy it is to set one up and use it to strengthen your belief in yourself and your abilities.



*Special thanks to Judy Robinett, who introduced the term “Victory Log” to me. Judy served as the CEO and President of a publicly-traded biotech company for eight years and now helps obtain funding for start-up companies.

“There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.” - Nathaniel Branden, American psychologist (1930- )

“What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates his fate.” - Henry David Thoreau, American philosopher (1817-1862)

“The best things in life are yours, if you can appreciate yourself.” - Dale Carnegie, American author (1888-1955)

As you’re trying to learn how to perform a new behavior or skill, it’s going to feel awkward and uncomfortable at first. In this video, you’ll discover why that is and what’s required to develop a habit so it becomes automatic.



If you found this video valuable, check out “The Crunch Point – The One Thing You Must Do to Change Your Behavior” by my business partner, Denny Coates. The process he describes for breaking a bad habit also applies to creating a new one.

“Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it each day, and at last we cannot break it." - Horace Mann

“Every day you miss playing or practicing is one day longer it takes to be good." - Ben Hogan

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." – Aristotle

“Let him that would move the world first move himself.” – Socrates

The listening skills you need for telephone conversations are not exactly the same as what you need for in-person meetings. Since the speaker can’t see you, it’s easy to get distracted and start doing something else when it’s not your turn to talk.

Discover three tips for helping you stay focused so you really hear the message when you’re on the phone.



What do YOU do to keep your attention focused on the speaker when you’re having a phone conversation?

“Boredom is what happens when I fail to make someone interesting.” – Warren Bennis, American author

Your unique talent or gift is obvious to the people who know you well. But maybe you take it for granted or don’t give yourself credit for it. In this video, Meredith Bell shares a quick, easy way to learn what your top strength is – and why you need to do that.



What unique talent or gift do you have that you can use to impact your world in a positive way?

“People of talent resemble a musical instrument more closely than they do a musician. Without outside help, they produce not a single sound, but given even the slightest touch, a magnificent tune emanates from them.” – Franz Grillparzer, Austrian writer

Your deeply-held beliefs about yourself and what’s possible for you determine what you attempt. Living within these self-imposed restrictions limits your ability to see opportunities that are available. When you discover how to break through these deeply ingrained thoughts, you can achieve the kinds of successes you deserve.



What one belief do you have about yourself that you need to break through to achieve greater results?

“Whatever you believe with emotion becomes reality. You always act in a manner consistent with your innermost beliefs and convictions." - Brian Tracy, American author

“Things don't change. You change your way of looking, that's all.” - Carlos Castaneda, American author

“People begin to become successful the minute they decide to be." - Harvey Mackay, American author

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” - Norman Vincent Peale, American author

Self-confidence has a huge impact on what you achieve in life. That’s because it influences the way you think about yourself and what you’re capable of. Find out specific things you can do every day to get rid of negative self-talk and set yourself up for greater confidence.



What strategies have helped you strengthen your confidence and achieve more than you first thought you could?

“If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves.” - Thomas Edison, American inventor

“Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.” - Henry Van Dyke, American educator

“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.” - Samuel Johnson, British essayist

“There isn’t a person anywhere who isn’t capable of doing more than he thinks he can.” - Henry Ford, American business leader

When something unwanted happens, it’s tempting to wish it weren’t true. But only when you acknowledge the reality of the situation can you begin to deal with it.



How quickly do you arrive at a place of acceptance when you face situations beyond your control? What helps you get to acceptance?

"Accepting does not necessarily mean 'liking,' 'enjoying,' or 'condoning.' I can accept what is—and be determined to evolve from there. It is not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck." - Nathaniel Branden, American psychologist 

“Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.” - Nikos Kazantzakis, Greek novelist  

“It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” - Carl Sagan, American astronomer 

“Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.” - Winston Churchill, British prime minister

A critical life skill is learning how to think through ideas and problems. Anytime you find yourself leading others, it’s important to find opportunities that help them acquire this skill. Providing advice and solutions is not the best approach, so what does work? This video reveals one way that gets great results.



Do you find it easy to use this approach for getting others to think through their problems and come up with their own solutions?

“A mediocre person tells. A good person explains. A superior person demonstrates. A great person inspires others to see for themselves.” - Harvey Mackay, American author

“Leadership is lifting a person's vision to higher sights, the raising of a person's performance to a higher standard, the building of a personality beyond its normal limitations." - Peter Drucker, American author

My colleague Denny Coates has a great post on this topic that includes several questions you can ask, along with many helpful tips for asking questions the right way. Read his post here.

Giving feedback to someone who has created a problem for you is an important life skill. If you don’t do it well, the other person is likely to react defensively and shut down the conversation. When you learn the 4 steps for giving feedback the right way, you’ll see a big difference in the way that individual responds to your words.



When you've needed to give someone constructive feedback, did you follow these steps?

“One of the best ways to give better feedback is to get better at receiving feedback. When that happens, you are better able to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and give more helpful and successful feedback.” – Kevin Eikenberry and Guy Harris in From Bud to Boss

When you encounter a person who’s discouraged, giving advice or offering solutions doesn’t help them. So what is effective? There are actually four things you can do to encourage someone who’s in a bad place. When you apply these steps, you’ll be amazed at the impact you can have on another human being.



Which of the four steps involved in encouraging someone is easy for you?...or is hard for you?

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” - Leo Buscaglia, American author

“A helping word to one in trouble is often like a switch on a railroad track... an inch between wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity." - Henry Ward Beecher, American author

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." - Aesop, Greek fabulist

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” - Benjamin Franklin, American scientist

An example of compassion is not what you’d be looking for at the NCAA Final Four basketball tournament. But in 2010, West Virginia’s Coach Bob Huggins displayed an unforgettable act of kindness towards one of his injured players.



What are some small ways you could show compassion or kindness to others today?

“Every moment that you share someone else’s pain, feel what they feel, makes you more human.” - Bill Murray, American actor

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” - Leo Buscaglia, American author

“If you think about what you ought to do for other people, your character will take care of itself.” - Woodrow Wilson, American president 

“Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” - James Barrie, Scottish novelist

Most people hate conflict and will do whatever they can to avoid it. Discover three fears that may be keeping others from addressing a problem with you.



Are there people YOU are reluctant to address issues with? Which of the three fears keeps you from speaking up?

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James, American psychologist

If you use only logic to make decisions, you’ll miss the inner voice that can tell you if something feels right or wrong. Combining reason with your instincts leads to better choices.



How often do you consult both sides of your brain before making important decisions?

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein, American physicist

“Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level." - Joyce Brothers, American psychologist

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go unto the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover will be yourself." - Alan Alda, American actor 

“A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, American author

John Wooden wasn’t just an exceptional basketball coach. He helped young men become successful human beings for life. In this video I share his wise words about what happens when you don’t manage your emotions and then suggest some ways to control them. If you’ve ever lashed out at someone when you’re upset or become unglued when things didn’t go your way, I hope you’ll pick up some tips you can use in future situations.



Who or what causes you to lose your cool? How can you apply these words from Coach Wooden to ensure that you think through potential consequences in challenging situations?

If this topic resonates with you, check out this post from Denny Coates, “Tip Clip #6 – How to Develop Mental Toughness.”

“It is better to sleep on things beforehand than lie awake about them afterwards.” - Baltasar Gracián, Spanish philosopher

“The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper.” - Aristotle, Greek philosopher

“Every stroke our fury strikes is sure to hit ourselves at last.” – William Penn, British colonizer

Offering an apology doesn’t come easy when you’re the one who’s made a mistake or done something wrong. Yet those two simple words, “I’m sorry,” go a long way to making amends and restoring a relationship. Learn what may be keeping you from apologizing and the benefits you’ll experience when you do.



Who do you find it hard to apologize to? And what kinds of things do you find it hard to apologize for?

"It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of one's heart rather than out of pity. A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles and values in order to genuinely apologize." - Stephen Covey, American author

“If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.” - Aldous Huxley, British novelist

"If people were really to sit down and honestly look at themselves and the consequences of their actions, they would try to live their lives a lot differently.” - George Lucas, American movie director

Your attitude about a given situation has a huge impact on what you’ll say and do. You can choose to think in ways that can enrich your life or make you miserable. Always remember that you alone make that decision, and it’s one that affects those around you, too.



What is one area where a change in your attitude would make a positive difference for you and the people you care about? What new attitude will you adopt?

"You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside." - Wayne Dyer, American author

"Things don't change. You change your way of looking, that's all." - Carlos Castaneda, American author

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson, American president

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today." - Groucho Marx, American comedian

It can be tempting to stick with the “tried-and-true” way you’ve done things in the past. But you can discover something better when you use your mind to imagine new possibilities. This video explains how creativity can help you find solutions to any challenge you face.



How can you apply the suggestions here to a situation that requires a new solution?

"A pile of rocks ceases to be a rock when somebody contemplates it with the idea of a cathedral in mind." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, French author

"One sure-fire way to stay creative: force yourself to learn something new." - Harvey Mackay, American author

“Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes, American author

“Genius, in truth, means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way.” - William James, American psychologist

Knowing how to use dialogue will help you become a more effective communicator. Find out the two things you must do if you want to transform arguments into meaningful conversations with the people who are important to you.



How can you apply the two aspects of dialogue in future conversations with people you often disagree with?

“I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand the other person.” - Carl Rogers, American psychologist

"When learning about life and people, make no more assumptions than are absolutely necessary. Ask and observe." - William of Occam, British philosopher

“Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.” - Mark Twain, American novelist

"We are complacently caught in our particular view of the world, which compels us to feel and act as if we knew everything about the world." - Carlos Castaneda, American author

Get additional insights about dialogue by reading these excellent posts from Denny Coates:

Dialogue - Have You Mastered This People Skills?

Refine Your Dialogue Skills - Some Tips and an Illustration

When you’re having a busy day, it’s not easy to tell others how much you appreciate them. Yet finding ways to value others is one of the best investments you can make to strengthen relationships. In this video I explain the payoffs for taking time to speak positive words to the people you care about.



What simple habits can you adopt for showing your appreciation to others on a daily basis?

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." - Marcus Tullius Cicero, Roman orator

“When something does not insist on being noticed, when we aren't grabbed by the collar or struck on the skull by a presence or an event, we take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” - Cynthia Ozick, American novelist

"Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone." - Gertrude Stein, American novelist

“Change your life by consciously choosing to be in a state of gratitude.” – Wayne Dyer, American author

“Gratitude is the heart's memory.” - French Proverb