What if this happened to you?

Your flight has arrived in Atlanta, and you’ve connected with your limo driver. You set your briefcase in the top tray of his luggage cart while he places your other bags on the lower shelf. You arrive at the limo and get in the car while he puts the luggage in the trunk. After you arrive at your hotel, you discover the briefcase is not there. When you tell the driver he forgot to pack your briefcase, he denies it was in the cart. At this point, you insist that he take you back to the airport so you can search for the briefcase. He reluctantly agrees to do so.

What thoughts would be going through your mind on the way back to the airport?

This situation actually happened to Dan Sullivan, founder of Strategic Coach.

As I heard him describe the details of this incident in episode 47 of 10xTalk podcast, I imagined the anger and frustration that I would have felt if I’d been in his place.

But Dan took a different approach. He applied the steps of his “Experience Transformer” process, which resulted in very positive outcomes.

And not just because he found his briefcase.

Even more importantly, he adjusted his perception of the experience so he took away valuable insights that influenced his handling of future situations.

Before going through his steps, first recognize that the unexpected is going to happen. That’s life.

How you respond and process the event will have a profound on your confidence and your experience for days, weeks, or months.

Ask yourself these four questions – as you’re going through the incident itself or as soon afterwards as possible.

1. What worked in the situation? What went well?
It’s important to focus on the positive first so you calm down, acknowledge the good things and keep a balanced perspective. You don’t want to allow this incident to color the rest of your day.

2. What did NOT work in the situation? What went wrong?
Recognize what your role and responsibilities were so you don’t focus on blaming others. Writing down your answers helps to de-personalize the situation, giving you distance and perspective.

3. If you could go through this experience again, knowing what you know now, how would you do it differently?
Brainstorm a series of fresh approaches because now you have experience and wisdom that you didn't have before. You free up your creativity because you've gotten past negativity.

4. What’s your “Game Plan” for next time?
Based on your responses to #3, organize your actions into a sequence so you have a new framework for responding to similar situations in the future.

Imagine if you used this approach with someone on your team or with a family member when mistakes are made. Instead of engaging in blaming, defending or other non-productive behaviors, together you review what happened and prepare for handling the situation differently (and more effectively) in the future.

This approach is similar to the 5 Magic Questions in the Reflection step of our ProStar Coach system. It really works!

Listen to the full 30-minute podcast to learn the fine points of Dan’s exercise and use these steps the next time you’re going through an unexpected, undesirable situation.

Over the past year, my favorite podcast has become 10X Talk, hosted by Joe Polish and Dan Sullivan. These two highly successful entrepreneurs share extraordinary wisdom about life and business in their regular 30-minute conversations.

Joe has been a member of Dan’s Strategic Coach program for more than 13 years, and when you listen to the brilliant statements that come from Dan’s mouth, it’s easy to understand why. Since 1974, Dan has personally coached more than 6,000 entrepreneurs, and his insights contain immense value for anyone interested in pursuing personal excellence.

In a recent episode he described the key difference he’s discovered between people who have a tough time in life and those who seem to have an easy time: the active pursuit of GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION in their life, their experiences, and their relationships.

Those who have an easier time approach every situation with a sense of gratitude.

Those who struggle are “on the take.” They aren’t interested in giving; they’re looking to get something. As a result of this attitude, they often experience negative emotions such as envy, anger, frustration and resentment.

Dan cited two definitions of “Appreciate” from the Oxford English Dictionary, and his interpretations brought entirely new associations to my mind.

1. Create increased value. 

We often think about THINGS appreciating in value, such as real estate or stocks.

Dan extended the definition to include PEOPLE and made this connection: When you appreciate someone and express your gratitude, you actually increase their value in two ways: “First of all, you take up the value of that in your own mind, but in expressing it, you actually take the other person’s sense of value up of who they are and what they’re doing.”

2. Fully understand.

This definition has typically been used in a military setting, when scouts were sent out to fully understand or “appreciate” the battlefield and then report back.

Dan applies this to his everyday life by consciously choosing to understand the importance and value of a person he’s about to interact with.

What he does…

Before meeting with the individual – whether it’s a business or social setting – he writes down 8 things he’s grateful for about that person. He focuses on who they are and how they act, not whether they've ever done anything for him.

This exercise sets him up for the conversation with two critical elements that tie in directly with the two definitions above:
1) A higher sense of the person’s value
2) A much fuller understanding of how significant they are

During the interaction, he never talks about the actual items on his list, but that individual picks up on his attitude. Dan’s words, tone and body language cause them to feel valued.

Do ever you find yourself criticizing others who are important to you – whether aloud or in your own mind? Maybe you’re having a tough time finding anything positive to say about them. Yet you live or work with them, and you need to interact with them on a regular basis.

What if you took a few minutes before your next conversation and made a list of 8 things you appreciate about that person?

As Dan has learned, you can “inject positive energy” into any situation if you proactively apply these two definitions of appreciation to the people in your life.

I highly recommend you listen to the complete episode in order to get the full benefit of Dan’s exceptional thoughts about developing a deep sense of gratitude for others.