Your Voice of Encouragement

For some reason, many of today’s parents feel they have to go all-out for their children, whether it’s for birthday parties, vacations, holidays, or celebrations after recitals or sporting events. And later, with engagement parties and weddings.

I’m not sure whether it’s competition with other parents, a feeling of guilt that maybe they’re not doing enough for their child, or something else.

Whatever the reason, it can lead to the development of an entitlement mindset, which does nothing to prepare young people for the challenges they’ll face as adults.

If you find yourself struggling with issues around how much to give to your child, my encouragement is to stop and ask yourself this all-important question:

"WHY am I doing this?"

And then dig deep for the real answer. Because my guess is that your actions have more to do with what’s going on inside you than what your child may need or expect.

My parents with their 6 "kids" at family reunion July 2010
Rob, Jim, Me, Mom, Dad, Lynne, Claude, Phil

I grew up in a family of six children, with one older sister and four younger brothers. Birthday celebrations were pretty simple. We didn’t take many vacations. And looking back, I don’t feel I was deprived in any way.

My parents gave us the really important things – love, discipline, stability and time.

I’ll always cherish the memories of sitting on the floor together playing games and working jigsaw puzzles.

Or the times Dad would take all the kids bowling. I can still see his head shaking when one of us tossed the ball into the gutter several times in a row. (I used to wonder why my mother never wanted to go with us. It was only years later that I came to appreciate this was one of the few occasions she could have some time to herself!)

The fact is, if you have children, you can create memories they will cherish 40 or 50 years from now without showering them with lavish gifts or events.

The deepest need every human being has is to feel loved, valued and understood. If you can meet those needs in your children, they will be better equipped to handle both the difficulties and successes of life.